


Things you said that I wasn't meant to hear

by LiterallyAmazingPhan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phanfiction, phanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-31 15:22:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3983074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiterallyAmazingPhan/pseuds/LiterallyAmazingPhan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Askfic based on the prompt in the title. A look into Dan and Phil's relationship through the years. Phil's POV</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things you said that I wasn't meant to hear

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Originally posted on my tumblr, prompted by an anonymous ask.

I remember the first time we met. I was looking around madly, nervously, scanning the whole train platform, longing to actually see you for the first time. I couldn’t find you and my heart was thundering away inside my ribcage.

When I saw you getting off that train and I could finally look into your beautiful brown eyes, I knew. I smiled as you ran towards me and hugged me, awkwardly, almost making me lose my balance. I laughed and held you tighter because I could finally touch you and feel the texture of your skin, as much as I knew that it must have been even more surreal to you.

Breathing out, tears starting to gather into my eyes, I heard the faintest of whispers against my skin, in a shell shocked expulsion of feeling I knew I was never supposed to hear, but I did, holding you, perhaps for longer than I should.

“Oh God, this is actually happening!”

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A long time passed and I still couldn’t believe everything that happened. How much of an impact you had. Did you know that you turned my whole world upside down from the minute I met you? We helped each other through so much, we held each other in countless nights, just wishing the world would disappear and all the responsibilities would give us some room to breathe. But they wouldn’t and sometimes it was just too much.

In the most difficult times I would find you, more often than not, laying face down in the carpet of our new home, having one of your so-called existential crisis. There was no pretending I understood exactly what went through your mind then. You were so damaged. So many wounds inflicted by life itself. There was really nothing I could do to change it, right?

“Wouldn’t everyone be better off if I just didn’t exist at all?” I heard your mumble to yourself. 

Actual pain crossed my whole being with the thought of you gone. I walked all the way back, decisively, and laid down next to you, waiting for you to acknowledge my existence.

You never did, you just seemed lost inside your own thoughts I knew I was never meant to hear. I was never invited into the darkest side of you and maybe that was your way of protecting me.

I reached out and held your hand, then. You sighed, deeply, and I could actually feel the doubt leaving your body in that moment. I simply squeezed your hand, looking at the ceiling. You never said anything, not really. You just squeezed back, seconds later, hesitantly and I knew that as long as you had my hand to hold, we would be just fine, you and I.

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Years later and there you were. Beautiful, strong and so much healthier. Looking at you now, I can hardly see a shadow of the scared boy I met at the train station. Or the insecure teenager laid in the carpet, contemplating the vastness of the universe and your importance in it all.

I was so proud of how much you grew, Dan. And I think you knew that.

I could see the smile in your eyes, the spring in your step, the confidence in your voice.

I could see the man you had become and the beauty of your soul.

I could see how much you still struggled with, but how much you learned from it.

I could see all the road we treaded through together, hand in hand. How much we overcame, always right next to each other.

And I could see the beautiful path ahead of us, the world wide open before our very eyes.

I looked into your eyes as you stared deeply into my own. I saw the words you never said, then and there. They were written, clear as day, the ones I was not be supposed to hear. But you were shouting them at me through your gaze and I just smiled, because I knew.

Yes, I knew.

And I loved you too.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this emotional little ride! I may have made myself cry a little there in the end, whoops!


End file.
